When talking with someone you will inevitably hear the words "Yeah", "Uh-huh" and "I see". But do you really see? And do you really understand what the person wants to tell you? Active listening is an approach to communication where a listener intently listens and tries to understand the message of a speaker. There are a number of techniques that good listeners use to show they are actively listening. In this post, I will share with you the top 9 key active listening skills.
Top 9 key Active listening skills to learn
1. Pay attention to body language
Body language is a non-verbal way of communicating, which can be used to indicate interest, boredom, confusion, or agreement. For example:
Leaning forward indicates interest
Finger-pointing indicates disagreement
Fidgeting with your hands indicates nervousness or stress
2. Stop focusing on what you will say next
Stop focusing on what you will say next.
Don't interrupt the speaker.
Don't think about what you will say while the speaker is talking.
Give the speaker your undivided attention, and acknowledge the message.
When you're actively listening, you're paying attention to the speaker. You give your undivided attention and acknowledge their message.
You can't think about what you will say next, who might be calling on your phone, or any other distractions that might be going through your mind at the time.
If you find yourself thinking about something else during a conversation, bring it back to what's happening right now with this phrase: "Sorry! What were we saying?" This lets the person know that they have your full attention again and makes sure that they don't feel like they've been cut off mid-sentence because of something else going on in your life—and it shows them how much care and respect for them as people (and their thoughts) is important to you!
3. Keep an open mind
Listening is an active process. It requires you to be open to new ideas, perspectives and experiences. You must keep an open mind and not judge or criticize what you are hearing until you have heard the full story. You need to be prepared for people saying things that make you uncomfortable or upset because this can happen when we listen with an open heart and mind.
It also means being willing to hear about things that challenge your beliefs, values or beliefs in general as well as being able to accept feedback from others without feeling defensive about it! Listening is not just about hearing someone else's words but also listening with understanding, empathy, and compassion too!
4. Don't interrupt
Interrupting is rude. And it’s a sign of being disrespectful. Maybe you feel like you know what the speaker is going to say and want to cut them off so they don’t need to waste time on unnecessary details, but interrupting can also be a sign of impatience or a lack of interest in the speaker. It shows that you don’t respect their opinion or their thoughts and ideas.
If you were having an important conversation with a friend about something very personal, would you like it if he or she kept interrupting? Probably not! So don’t do it when someone else is talking either—even if they are talking about something boring (at least as far as YOU are concerned).
5. Ask questions only to clarify
You should only ask questions to clarify. You shouldn't ask questions just to be polite or just to show that you're listening or interested in what the other person has to say. If your question is not clarifying, then it won't help the conversation at all and will probably make things worse because then both of you will have different interpretations of what was said.
6. Repeat back to the speaker what you heard them say from time to time as a summary of their message
Once you're confident that you've understood the speaker's message, ask them to confirm it.
Asking the speaker to repeat their thoughts is a good way of making sure that you have understood their message correctly. You can ask “did I hear that right?” or “can you say more about…?” – either way, ensure that you use their exact words and don't paraphrase or make assumptions based on what they said.
Avoid asking questions like:
Can you give an example of this? – Stick with repeating back what they have said; no need to add your own examples at this point
How did this happen? – Again, stick with repeating back what they have said; no need for explanations yet (you can ask for those later)
7. Don't impose your own bias or point of view onto them
This is the most important active listening skill to learn, and it's also the one that people struggle with the most. If you want to be an effective listener, you need to keep your own opinions and thoughts out of it for as long as possible. This can be difficult because people who are talking will often behave in ways that encourage us to speak up—they may ask for our advice or opinion, or they might seem confused about what they're saying and ask if we understand them correctly. If you feel tempted by these things, don't say anything! Resist this temptation at all costs; it will only help derail the conversation and make both parties feel frustrated afterward.
8. Silence is golden! Or not?
Silence can be a great tool to help you listen better.
Silence is good for listening because it's quiet and allows your brain to focus on what you hear.
Silence is good for thinking because it gives your mind the time and space it needs to process new information and make sense of it.
Silence is good for understanding because it allows you to reflect on what others have said, which helps you see where they're coming from or how their words may relate back to something in your own life experience.
Silence is good for processing when someone shares something deeply personal or emotional with you - this can take some time, so giving them space allows them time enough without feeling rushed into responding right away (or not at all).
9. Good Listener skills
Good listeners are good at managing silences and they know when to ask questions, to paraphrase, and make sure they have understood correctly.
Silence is not a bad thing, it’s just something that tends to be overlooked in conversation. Silence can be a great way for you as the listener to process what has been said, or it can be a useful tool for the speaker who wants space to think through their response or collect their thoughts before speaking again.
So don't worry if your partner or friend goes quiet – it doesn't mean anything is wrong! There's always time for more talking later on if both parties feel comfortable with saying something else after some thought has passed between them.
Conclusion
It’s a good idea to practice these skills as often as possible. You might also want to work on improving your communication skills so that you can listen more effectively. One tip is to make sure that you’re always clear about what it is you want to say before speaking. If there are any misunderstandings in the conversation, it may be because of a lack of clarity or miscommunication on either side. It’s essential that people feel they can speak freely without fear of judgment or reprisal from others when they share their thoughts and feelings with each other