Conflict is a part of life, and it's also an important part of any business. How you deal with conflict can make or break your career, but fortunately, there are skills you can hone to help you come out on top. Here are the conflict management skills that will help you in both personal and professional situations.
Top 11 Conflict management skills to learn
Top 11 Conflict management skills to learn
1. Observe and clarify
Observing and clarifying the situation is the first step in conflict resolution. This means observing what has happened, making sure you understand it fully and then clarifying your own feelings and needs. It’s also important to clarify the other person's feelings, needs and goals as well.
This is where many people get stuck in a cycle of arguing with each other instead of resolving their differences. When this happens, it’s important to remember that everyone involved wants something different out of life or work—and this may be at odds with what you want! It's easy for us humans to get defensive when faced with situations like these because we think we're right all the time (or at least we feel that way). But being open-minded about our own beliefs will help us understand how others feel about things too—this will allow us to better empathize with those who disagree with us rather than simply getting defensive about every argument we encounter
2. Encourage open communication
Encourage open communication.
Listen to the other person's point of view.
Ask open questions that help you better understand their position and feelings. For example, "What about this situation do you find frustrating?" or "Why is it important to you that we fix this problem right now?"
Explain your point of view in a respectful manner and try to see things from the other person's point of view. For example, "I understand that you're frustrated because I didn't get back to your email within 24 hours like I promised," or "Maybe if I had someone else helping me out with these projects, then my workload wouldn't be so overwhelming."
Be honest--but don’t attack or blame others; offer solutions instead! For example: “I didn’t finish all my tasks today because I wasn’t feeling well enough; how can we make sure this doesn't happen again?”
3. Find the cause
Finding the cause of a conflict is often the first step to resolving it. Why? Because if you don't know what started the conflict, you can't figure out how to stop it.
To find the cause:
Ask yourself when this started happening. Try to pin down an exact date or time period when things changed for you (or your team). If you have trouble pinpointing those dates, try asking others who may have been around at that time.
Gather information about what's been going on before now: Were there any significant changes in leadership? Did someone quit or get fired? Was there an impulsive purchase made by someone in authority that upset everyone else? Someone getting hired or promoted that made people jealous? Was it something as simple as a new rule coming into play at work—and if so, which ones and why did they make this change now?
4. Listen to others
Listening is a skill that requires practice, just like anything else. You can't just hear what someone else is saying and think that's listening. You need to understand what they're saying, too!
Listen with both ears and with your eyes—if someone looks angry or sad when they talk about an issue, pay attention to that. It may mean their feelings are hurt or they're uncertain about something; either way, it's important information for you to know as you problem-solve together. Pay attention also to how the other person speaks: Are their words clipped or slurred? Their voice pitched high or low? Don't be afraid of silence; sometimes we need time to think through what someone has said before responding so we can be sure our response will be appropriate. If necessary (and especially if there's mutual respect), check-in with each other throughout this process by repeating back some key points from what each of you has said until both parties are satisfied that each understands where the other stands on an issue at hand."
5. Defuse anger and aggression
Use a calm, non-threatening tone of voice.
Use open body language.
Use a calm, assertive tone of voice.
Use a calming touch on the arm or shoulder (if you’re comfortable doing so).
Make eye contact and use facial expressions that indicate concern for the person who is angry (if you are comfortable doing so). Body language should be open and relaxed; avoid crossing your arms in front of your chest or folding them across your chest if possible as this may convey defensiveness and/or anger back to the other party when they are trying to communicate their anger.
6. Develop strategies for problem-solving
Figure out what the problem is.
Use a problem-solving technique to solve it.
Find a solution that works for all parties involved. This can be tricky, so make sure you're open to hearing feedback from others as well!
7. Use a common language
Use a common language.
Use a common language to avoid miscommunication, misunderstanding and confusion.
Common language is the use of simple words that everyone can understand to express your thoughts and feelings in an effective manner. The most important element when communicating with others is to ensure that you are using the same words for similar things so that no one misunderstands what someone else means.
8. Solve problems with an optimistic, future-oriented approach
Solve problems with an optimistic, future-oriented approach.
This is the most important skill you can learn. It’s vital that you avoid getting dragged into negativity and despair by focusing on solutions instead. Optimism means being hopeful about the future, regardless of what has happened in the past or how things currently appear to be going. You need to believe that there are better days ahead for everyone involved and it’s up to you to help make them happen!
Focus on what needs fixing now rather than what went wrong before (or why). When conflicts arise, don't waste time dwelling on who's at fault; instead, focus on finding ways forward together where each side gets their needs met without resorting to hostility or aggression.
9. Be flexible and adaptable
Being flexible and adaptable means being open to change, willing to try new things, and willing to learn from others. Being flexible also means being willing to compromise when it's necessary. You'll need to be able to change your mind if you come across better information or a different perspective on the situation at hand. Being able to admit that you're wrong is also key when it comes to conflict management; it shows the strength of character and makes it easier for others around you who may be feeling defensive themselves (or who might not understand why they should concede) if they know they can trust your word when you say something was your fault rather than theirs.
10. Help others see the situation from your point of view
Help others see the situation from your point of view.
Use active listening to understand the other person's perspective.
Develop a problem-solving approach to resolve conflict, rather than focusing on assigning blame or taking sides.
Don't be afraid of emotions—understand and accept them as normal parts of conflict resolution.
Use a calm tone of voice when talking with someone who is upset about something you've done or said in the past (i.e., "I'm sorry that happened; let's talk about how we can make sure it doesn't happen again").
Avoid making assumptions about what other people think about your behavior or attitude toward them (i.e., "I know that I was rude/mean yesterday at lunchtime but I didn't mean it; please tell me how else I could have handled this situation differently so we can move forward together").
11. Be a mediator
A mediator is a neutral third party who helps the parties in the conflict to come up with solutions. Mediators are not judges or lawyers, but they can be trained to work with you through your case. They will help prepare you for discussions and negotiations, review and give advice on contracts, prepare witness statements and attend court hearings with you as a consultant if needed.
Mediation is usually confidential, unlike arbitration where everything is a public record.
These skills will be useful in conflict situations
The most effective way to manage conflicts is to prevent them from happening in the first place. But, if you're ever faced with a problem that requires some sort of resolution and your typical tactics aren't working, these skills will help get you through tough times:
Control your instincts. Your initial reaction may not be the best one; it's important to take a step back and assess the situation before making any decisions or taking any actions. Be mindful of how your emotions are affecting what you say and do - this will help avoid saying things you'll regret later on down the line (and could possibly lead others into doing so as well).
Stay calm when dealing with other people who are angry or upset about something that was said during an argument between friends/family members/coworkers; try not to let their behavior influence yours too much! If someone says something offensive towards another person present during an argument (such as calling them names), ignore this comment instead of responding directly because it's likely just meant as ammo against someone else rather than constructive feedback for improving communication skills overall within society at large--which would benefit everyone involved including yourself since there's nothing wrong with being respectful towards others even if they aren't always nice back sometimes!
Conclusion
Remember that conflict management is a skill you can learn, like playing the piano it just takes time and practice. Don’t expect to become a master overnight. And don’t let your ego get in the way of learning these skills: it’s natural for people to have different opinions and approaches to problems, so being open-minded will help you learn faster (and more effectively). It may be difficult at first, but once you start applying these suggestions in real-life situations, they’ll become second nature!